Opus de OMAET

Reflections on my music

When we first got this assignment I was really excited. Although I have a fair amount of experience with music my whole life. I have never used the computer to write music or used any type of software to do so. Furthermore, I had not ever composed music, only sang and played so this would be a new adventure.

I downloaded the software and dug in. I came up with my melody by just clicking on the notes. My first inclination was to write something to sing. I later decided to make it a piano piece instead.

I named my music my babies to represent my two sons. The music is a series of melodies each representing one of my sons. It starts out with my oldest playing, then the younger son echoes and there are times through the piece they are playing together and mimicking each other.

I learned a few things about myself. First, despite having never done anything like this, I really enjoyed it. I would have never thought I would like to do composition or that I had the creative ability to come up with anything. I often discredit myself to not being able to come up with unique ideas. Sometimes I feel like I can’t be creative but when I see someone else come up with something I feel like I’m copying them. This was a good exercise because as I was coming up with my song, I would catch myself thinking that sounds like this or that. I realized during this process that with the millions of songs that are out there, it would be inevitable to have one song not sound a little like some other songs. This made me think of our conversations on original thoughts as well. How do we define original thoughts and are there original thoughts or are we influenced by others thoughts. In comparison to music, I think that influence of music you have heard is inevitable. Even if you think you are composing a completely unique song, your ideas are definitely influenced either consciously or subconsciously by music you have heard. I don’t think this means its not original music though, but I do think it is definitely influenced. Similar to thoughts, I don’t think our thoughts are completely original since we formulate thoughts on what we see, hear and understand and then form our own thoughts. On the contrary I don’t think they are exact copies either. Rather, I think thoughts evolve for different people depending on how they apply to a particular situation.

Another thing I have learned about my working style while doing this assignment is that it is hard for me to be creative. As a sole proprietor over my career I have focused my goals around productivity and profitability. It became very clear to me during my work on this assignment that it is hard for me to get into the “zone” I need to be in order to do very creative work. This would include something like music but also includes things like reflecting. In addition to being so business minded and constantly thinking about how many hours I need to bill per week and how quickly I can get all the things done I need to, it is hard for me to “let go” and really get into something or let my thoughts flow. In addition to my busy work schedule, I’m constantly trying to be as efficient as possible so I can spend my spare time with my kids. As a self employed person, I think this is more prevalent for me. The faster I get my work done, the sooner I can stop working. I’m not in a 9-5 situation where I need to be there anyway. I have found this has really influenced my thoughts and actions. I do think I maybe need to let myself get more deeply involved sometimes and let myself get to the point of reflection. I’m not sure what the answer to this is for me, I think moderation is key. This has been a very good exercise for me in priorities. It’s been very good for me to focus on some things that the final outcome isn’t determined.

Painting....

Brief description
My husband Tim and I decided we would pick colors and paint some of our house today (labor day). We agreed on the colors and purchased the paint. Tim and I started our painting together but that didn't last long.

I think I'm a little afraid to write this...

I think I learned about myself I'm not great at taking direction. Tim wanted to give me some pointers on painting although we've done about the same amount of painting, Tim tends to have a specific way to do things. This is not bad but it just is the way he is. I have to accept that. He proceeds to tell me a few things before we get going which I bite my tongue. Then I tell him he makes me feel like his "inferior" by telling me how to paint. Although I truly believe he didn't mean to do this, I believe 2 things are at work. I'm being defensive and he's being too particular. We start to paint and after a few more directives, I quite and say I'm not mad but he can paint and do it how he wants. We are both happier. So now I'm blogging :)

What I learned.
I think my reaction to this is similar to that of other situations. First, as a self employed person for nearly 8 years, I am very indpendent. I am a typical self employed person in that I don't require a lot of specific directives to accomplish a task, I'm very motivated etc. On a negative I don't always take it well when people tell me what to do, husbands or others. I feel insulted like I already know that or could have figured it out myself and feel like someone is trying to control me. Not always the intention of the person. I don't think I always act like this but sometimes I definately do.

I need to be mroe open and recognize this and tell people I'm working with about my tendancies. There was a database project this reminds me of too. One I was in a little over my head on and the directives I was receiving from the project manager were very frustrating for me. I felt very defensive and very stressed.

That's all for now.

Mineral Spirits and Sten

It's been kind of a reality check since Tuesday night. Sten got into a paint brush soaking in mineral spirits and we had to do the whole ambulance, 911, poison control thing. Very scarey. Puts your life in perspective fast.

I learned a few things about myself. One that I do panic in situations like that. Although I wasn't debilitized, I caled 911 and got all those things done but my brain takes over and starts thinking the worst. This is what I do with stress too. I think I need to have more of a race car mentality where I need to look at where I want to go, not where I don't. I heard someone at virtcamp who did motorcycle racing talk about this and I had heard it before. If you look where you don't want to go, you will go there. If you keep your eyes focused on where you want to go, you will end up there. I think this holds true for other things too. I think your brain is extremely powerful and it does what it sees and needs to do. I think this is directly correlated to attitude and I know sometimes I'm not always good at practicing the "glass half full" attitude.

I also realized how precious my little babies are, how fragile and how much they depend on their parents. I realize how hard it is for me to be so busy and overlook little details, how detrimental one detail could be. I need to keep my mind on the things that are important first and try hard to eliminate the things that fall into the "law of diminishing returns" catetgory. My kids need to be at the top of the list. I've learned I tend to operate in fire fighter mode most of the time and that somehow I need to try to get ahead and concentrate on preventative things I can do to keep the fires from starting. I'm going to try to make some lists of these things. Try to be proactive and not reactive. Not only with my school work in this next term but also with the other parts of my life. I really want to find a way to get into the school districts so I need to spend some time doing that.

That's all for now.