Reflcting on Reflecting
Last night we had TI and I learned what I probably kind of knew, that I wasn't spending enough time on my reflections, or that I didn't reflect enough.
So here goes.
Since VirtCamp, I have learned about juggling. I realize I am so busy that I don't often let myself get to the reflection. I've been thinking about this since last night when my predictions were confirmed. I think there is a sense of fear as well. I'm a little afraid of going there but I do know, I don't know myself well enough. I think blogging is a good exercise for me because it gets me to my reflection...or at least I think it will.
So the comment MM made was to take your brain out and look at it.
When I stand back from myself I see a few things. One I see a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. I see all the roles I play in relationships which are vitally important. Sometimes I think to a fault. One of my one values and sayings that defines me is "there is always time". This saying sometimes comes back to haunt me when I don't get enough sleep or don't spend enough time doing what I want or need to take care of myself. I know I have always been a busy person, but this last year has brought me to a new level of busy.
I have learned maybe I haven't been learning from my mistakes because I don't have time to process what is happening. I have so many ideas I don't know what to do with them. In this program even more so, ideas of businesses to start, ways to expand my business and how I make my income. I'm used to doing, not thinking.
The other thing MM says which I think I'm addressing now is what makes me tick.
As I mentioned above, my relationships are a large part of what makes me tick. I am a very relationship driven person and my relationships are very important to me. It is very important that I am there when people in my life need me, especially my mom. Since my Dad died, one of the things that consumes me everyday is my mom and is she ok and can I do something to make her less sad.
I feel like I'm all over the board here...I'm not letting any particular thought get to a reflection so I'm going to focus.
OK back to reflecting on reflecting....
I think I'm so busy trying to juggle my time and all the other parts of my life, I'm just trying to check things off. I'm not spending enough time getting to the aha moments. This will be part of my goal for this program. I think I also confuse reflections with my feelings, which I'm not sure are the same. I'm used to journaling how I feel and how it made me feel etc, but not what I have learned or why I did what I did. This will be very good for me I know.
If I try to stand outside myself and look at myself, I see a VERY busy person, that is the most obvious thing to me. Over the last month I have learned I'm a pretty good task manager. My approach to things is that of a fireman. For me this doesn't mean you just put out fires but you put out the BIGGEST fires first. I don't only have one fire in my life, I literally have many, I just have to decide everyday which one to put out. Then I'm afraid I'm not spending enough time with my kids, husband etc. I think I have a tremendous amount of guilt to work through for being a working mom, but that's a different blog.
I also feel like I'm too preoccupied with finishing things that I do miss the process. I'm so busy trying to move on to the next thing. For example, right now I'm trying so hard to get this done so I can get my timeline done so we can go to the lake. I don't let myself get to the reflection. This is going to be a real challenge for me.
I need to slow down enough to think a little. so feedback anyone??? HELP!!
2 Comments:
Hi Kari,
You are doing a good job of following the instructions and sometimes we do get lost in feelings and forget about connections. Sometimes we get the feeling that a refelction is a confession. But now think about your goals.. what are the connections between your goals and your actions? How are you moving towards those goals? Or what would you need to do differently to move towards the goals you set for yourself. What is your mission? What are your core values? How do you values interact with your actions? You generally reflect on something. So when you reflect on webgifts...what connections do you make. Here aer some that you might use...
What is the connection between this project and course goals?
What is the connetion between what I learned and how I generally learn?
What insight did I have about teamwork or team building?
Why would a prof assign a task like this?
How does this task connect to the content of the course?
What is a gift and why does one give them?
When have I given gifts in the past and how does this relate to that?
What is the role of gift giving in our culture
See how the answer to one of these question moves you back from telling what you did to thinking about what you did?
Does this help?
Hey K,
One of the things that I sometimes do is write down my process, on paper or in an electronic file, then walk away from it for a while and just let myself think on it in the back of my mind while I do something else (other work, yoga, a walk, art, nap, whatever). If I think of anything that seems significant, I write it down on what ever is handy (an old piece of mail, the back of a magazine, a napkin, etc...) just so I don't forget the thought (it may be only one or two lines or even just a couple of words that will get me thinking later). Then when I feel the idea has "cooked" a bit, I sit back down w/ my journal (blog, whatever) and try to put the thoughts and bits of writing together. I don't have to do this everytime, but it does help when I'm really stuck in a rut or feel like I have no time to just sit and write.
Hope that helps. :)
Sukay.
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